Notes From My Father's Dying
Hello Darlings, I’ve created a new podcast-within-a-podcast about my current expedition - accompanying my father as he dies. It’s not at all polished - just my Kristen stream-of-consciousness rambling and observations as I sit by my father’s bedside at the ocean in Maine.
episode description:
The first episode of a new mini-series within Death Virgin - Dispatches from Temple Heights.
Kristen records from her childhood home on the coast of Maine as her father lies dying on hospice care in the next room. Over the course of one sleepless night, she reflects on what it means to accompany someone through death for the very first time — while also navigating hospital logistics, oxygen tanks, weed gummies, family dynamics, spiders, ocean sounds, assisted living rituals, and the strange absurdity that continues alongside dying.
Part vigil diary, part field recording, part dark comedy, this first dispatch captures the liminal hours before bringing her father home from the hospital to die overlooking Penobscot Bay.
A series about grief in real time.
About becoming “no longer a death virgin.”
About how death is both sacred and deeply, relentlessly human.
episode timeline:
00:00 - 4:36 AM
Kristen introduces the series from Temple Heights in Maine, where her father is on hospice care just steps away in the next room. The sun hasn’t risen yet. Ocean sounds are playing beside his bed because the oxygen machine is too loud for him to hear the real sea outside.
03:30 - The Ocean Sound Problem
A meditation on trying to find the “correct” sound of the Maine coast online — and how even something as simple as ocean noises becomes emotionally loaded when someone is dying
05:45 — The Spider Vigil
A spider appears on the ceiling during the night watch, leading to reflections on Swiss spiders, mortality, animal ethics, and the strange intimacy of noticing tiny living things while waiting for someone to die.
14:00 — The Oxygen Machine
Kristen and her brother Seth try to understand what high-flow oxygen actually means for their father’s body, and confront the reality that there may be no medical path forward except hospice.
20:00 — Bringing Him Home
The siblings race against time to figure out how to transport their father home from the hospital before he dies en route. Hospice beds, oxygen deliveries, ambulance logistics, and impossible decisions collide with the simple desire to let him see the ocean one more time.
28:30 — The Town Hall
A trip to the local town office turns unexpectedly emotional as a longtime employee cries upon hearing the news. Bureaucracy and grief intertwine in a small coastal town where everybody knows everybody.
34:00 — Weed Gummies & Hospice
A surprisingly funny and deeply human detour through dispensaries, edible disasters, family stories, and the realization that end-of-life care often becomes less about rules and more about comfort.
54:00 — Harbor Hill
Returning to her father’s assisted living apartment becomes a quiet ritual of goodbye. Kristen documents the objects left behind — candy jars, frozen treats, paintings, shoes — while informing residents and staff that “one of the good ones” is dying.
1:06:00 — The Residents Left Behind
A reflection on how assisted living facilities handle death, silence, and grief — and why the people left behind rarely get the space to mourn communally.
1:11:00 — The Silver Lining
In the middle of anticipatory grief, Kristen discovers an unexpected gift: truly getting to know her younger brother as an adult while caring for their father together.
1:17:00 — Until We Meet Again
As the hospital bed is delivered to the living room, Kristen reflects on privilege, mortality, humor, ritual, and what it means to accompany someone toward death in the place they love most.